Can a 12 year old refuses to see a parent?

There is no definitive answer as to what age children are able to refuse contact with either parent. The bottom line is, as under the Children Act, that wishes and feelings will be taken into account in child arrangement disputes, in light of the child's age, maturity, and best interests.

directmediationservices.co.uk - Child refuses to see parent | Refusing visitation - Direct Mediation Services

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What happens if my children are refusing contact, but there is a Child Arrangements Order in place?

This can be a tricky situation. There’s the age old saying: “You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”. When there is a child arrangements order in place, it is legally binding and so parents need to consider being in breach and therefore being in contempt of Court. In these situations however, whilst you could apply to enforce the order, it is more likely that the order itself needs to be reconsidered. Taking into account the discussions above, the arrangements may need to be revisited. If this is happening, there is clearly a problem with the arrangements that need addressing. Here, you could consider a discharge or variation of the order. Hopefully the latter, with that variation taking into account your children’s wishes and feelings. Indeed, in Court proceedings the wishes and feelings of your children will be taken into account. This is in accordance with the welfare checklist found in section 1 of the Children Act 1989. The Court will take into account age and maturity. Regardless of their age, wishes and feelings will be considered, but for younger children, less weight may be apportioned to this. For children over the age of 15, you can expect to take their wishes and feelings very seriously. In fact, the Court may decide to not make an order at all. In short, regardless of the age of the children, wishes and feelings will be taken into account to varying degrees. These considerations will always be balanced with age and maturity, and whether or not their wishes and feelings are in their best interests. As a general pointer, it is usually the case that it is in the best interests of children to spend time with both of their parents.

What if I am concerned about my child’s reasons for refusing contact?

If you discover or have concerns yourself over your children spending time with the other parent, then it may be appropriate to pause contact. This usually amounts to a concern over suffering or risk of significant harm. Examples of this could include:

Alcohol or substance misuse.

Domestic violence/abuse.

Concerns that the other parent might take your children out of the country indefinitely (abduction). If you have concerns over the health/wellbeing of your children, you should contact Social Services and or the police as a first point of call. If there is a child arrangements order in place, you can make an application to Court to vary or discharge the order. As part of this application, you can request an interim order to stop contact whilst waiting for a final hearing. In most cases where there is risk of harm family mediation will not be suitable, but you may wish to attend a MIAM so that you can get a mediation certificate for your application to Court. We offer urgent MIAMs in these circumstances, which you can book by calling. All our MIAMs can be offered virtually, so there is no requirement to travel. We can issue your certificate on the same day.

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