How to take control of your life?

Here's how to start taking control of your life, one piece at a time. Clarify your core values and beliefs. ... Identify internal vs. ... Create a vision. ... Believe that you can: Overcome limiting beliefs. ... Take personal responsibility. ... Let go of what you cannot control. ... Respond instead of reacting. ... Unpack emotional triggers. More items... •

soulsalt.com - How to Take Control of Your Life With 11 Small Shifts (Once and For All)

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Taking control of your life doesn’t mean you control everything that happens. It means confidently moving forward with your own goals and priorities, while embracing change as an inevitable part of life. But how do you get that feeling of confidence and control, when it seems like nothing is going right? Do you catch yourself thinking “I don’t know what to do with my life?“ These strategies are aimed at helping you get super clear on who you are and what you really want out of life. They will help you stop getting sidelined by other people’s priorities, while also getting out of your own way. When you’re clear on who you are, you’ll feel more flexible and in the flow, even when things don’t go as planned. Here’s how to start taking control of your life, one piece at a time.

1. Clarify your core values and beliefs

We constantly receive all kinds of messages of what success means. You go on social media or turn on the TV and see:

The successful entrepreneur crushing their new venture

The empowered working mother raising two perfect children

The digital nomad working from a beach in Bali

The driven social worker making a positive impact in their community

Chasing everyone else’s dreams will pull you in a million different directions. Taking back control of your life requires you to get clear on what you actually want. That’s where your core values come in. Your core values shape who you are. They’re the ground you stand on, to build a sense of self. When you discover your core values, you can live your truth.

Studies confirm that having a clear idea of your beliefs:

Gives you clarity how to make decisions around pursuing passions, long-term career goals, and relationships.

Leads to stronger social connections.

Encourages a higher tolerance for pain.

Makes you less likely to engage in destructive thought patterns, like comparing yourself to others. Your recipe for happiness will not look the same as someone else’s. You may consider family, service, and community the most important parts of your life. Someone else may prioritize things like freedom, adventure, and spirituality. A meaningful life will certainly look different to these two people. An inner conflict happens when you don’t take the time to clarify your values. With a firm sense of self, you can find inspiration from others, and still stick to your core. Outside influences no longer pull you in every direction. You recognize the difference between what truly matters to you. You know when to say “yes” and when to walk away.

2. Identify internal vs. external motivations

When you say, “My life is out of control,” it can feel like you are just along for the ride, heading somewhere you never really wanted to go.

Are you at the steering wheel or is someone else?

To get back on track, it helps to differentiate between your internal motivations and reconcile them with external influences. Internal motivators come from within. I’m talking about those heart dreams that fill you with passion and purpose. These desires are personal to you. They are determined by your own values and goals. External motivators come from outside of yourself. They refer to the goals and expectations set by your parents, partner, friends, or community. External motivators can also mean standards set by society that you feel pressure to live up to. Sometimes our internal motivations and external motivators come into conflict. You want to leave school and travel the world, but your parents expect you to finish that law degree. You want to quit your job to pursue your passion, but you have a family to feed. Taking back control of your life doesn’t mean neglecting all external motivators. But it does mean finding a balance that allows room for both. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary. You must nurture your relationship with yourself, to dive deeper and find out what’s driving you. Learn how to set boundaries, so you can focus on what truly makes you happy.

I’m talking about your flow.

Fulfilling the truest, highest expression of yourself requires living your purpose. Only then can you show up for others.

3. Create a vision

When I feel like I have no control over my life, I take a step back to reconnect with my vision. Visualization is similar to meditation. Instead of emptying the thoughts and chatter in your mind, you fill it with the experience of what you want your life to become. TD Bank conducted a survey of 1100 people and 500 small business owners. 67% of the participants felt that pictures of goals improved the odds of achieving them. Those who imagined their financial and business goals felt twice as confident that they could accomplish their dreams versus those who didn’t visualize their goals in some way.

Try these prompts to help you visualize:

What does success look like to you? Do you picture a healthier lifestyle? Do you envision yourself surrounded by specific people? What kind of career do you see?

What does this version of you and your life feel like?

Reach for the sky! Think of your greatest aspirations, the extraordinary life you’ve always dreamt of. You can also create a vision board: a collection of images, photos, words, and phrases that reflect your dreams. Place the vision board in your home office, vanity, or somewhere in your line of sight. This reinforces your direction, to help bring your dreams to life!

4. Believe that you can: Overcome limiting beliefs

Most people have an internal dialogue. This inner speech is linked to a wide range of psychological functions, like reading, writing, planning, memory, self-motivation, and problem-solving, says research published in Psychology Bulletin. What is the flavor of your self-talk? Does your internal voice say things like:

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“You’re not good enough.”

“You can’t do it.”

“That won’t work.”

Beware of negative self-talk. Many times, this type of limited thinking comes from an earlier part of life. It’s that voice of a parent who didn’t give you enough praise. It’s that kid in school who was always waiting for you to mess up.

Taking control of your life means you no longer allow those voices to hold you back. Get into the habit of managing your internal dialogue. Take a week to track your thoughts and write them down. Where do these voices of self-doubt come from? Do you notice any patterns?

Actively nurturing positive self-talk is a powerful tool for increasing your confidence and curbing self-doubt. When you “hear” yourself thinking something negative, take a step back. Remind yourself, “Oh, that’s my father talking.” Respond with something positive instead, “Actually, that’s not true. I am good enough. I can do this.” Learn how to trust yourself and be your own cheerleader! Do You Really Know Yourself Better Than Anyone? (Hint: Most of Us Don't) 10 (proven) ways to uncover your deep identity. Grab our FREE cheat sheet today. Drop your email below. DOWNLOAD NOW

5. Take personal responsibility

Regaining control of your life means finding that balance between what you can and cannot control. It means understanding what you can control, and taking 100% responsibility for those things. You may need to take a hard look at your actions and make some changes going forward. Give yourself a dose of reality: are you partially responsible for this situation? Not to punish yourself, but to look for the pieces that are within your power to change. From time to time, take inventory of your life and ask yourself honestly:

Am I fully present in my work and family life?

Am I getting enough rest?

Am I eating properly?

Am I managing my time wisely?

Am I sticking to my budget?

Be nice to yourself! Everyone falls short sometimes. Give yourself a break and remember that life is a learning experience. We grow as we go. Take responsibility, own what you can control, and make better choices going forward.

6. Let go of what you cannot control

Not long ago, I returned home from walking my dog to find an envelope on my doormat. It contained a metal inscribed with the serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. The Serenity Prayer It came from a client who was let go as the general manager for a company because of health reasons. He was so relaxed. I asked him how he was keeping his composure in the face of a setback like this. He said, “It’s the things you’ve taught me Lyn. I’ve realized the difference between what I can control and what I can’t. So I’m giving you this medallion.” That was an eye-opening moment, showing the power of making this simple shift to knowing what you can and can’t control. This client was stepping into a huge transition, and yet, he stayed calm.

You can’t control everything. Even when you prepare and plan, some things still won’t go your way. So why waste your time and energy on the things you cannot change?

The unknown can feel really scary. Overthinking and worrying about every possible outcome leads to anxiety. Planning is a good thing, but you don’t want to live in a state of panic, anticipating the worst-case scenario. When you learn how to embrace change, you’ll find that uncertainty feels a little less stressful. You can develop coping strategies to better manage fear of the unknown, such as mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation brings awareness to the present moment. With practice, you can feel more at ease. Focus on what you can control and what’s in front of you right now.

7. Respond instead of reacting

Of course, you can’t control everything. But you can control how you respond. This means being aware and knowing how to control your emotions, without allowing them to dictate your actions. That means shifting from a place of reaction to response.

Reacting is emotional. Responding is emotional intelligence. Here’s the difference:

Reaction: When you say or do something based on beliefs, biases, and prejudices. A reaction happens immediately in the unconscious, without thinking. It is survival-oriented and often a defense mechanism. Response: When you process your initial emotional reaction before taking action. You observe your instant reaction, then ensure your actions remain in line with your core values. Feeling out of control can often occur within ourselves. This happens when you react to situations and let your emotions get the best of you. If you’ve ever lost your temper or felt overwhelmed with life, you can surely relate to this feeling of losing control. We are emotional beings. It is totally normal and healthy to feel emotional. But you don’t want your emotions to run the show. If you can sit with the emotions for a minute, they become milder. You can respond calmly. When you feel intense emotion, take a moment to sit with that experience. Maybe you need to yell out loud to yourself, go for a run, or cry for a bit. Feel that emotion. Let it happen. This will release the intensity, so you can experience how to feel in control.

8. Unpack emotional triggers

When you want to loosen the grip that emotions have on you, start by understanding where they come from in the first place. Think of emotional responses as breadcrumbs, leading you back to places that need your attention. Many of our emotional reactions are learned. They can result from experiences during childhood. For example, if a parent leaves you at an early age, you may have extreme fear of rejection later in life.

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Taking back control means healing from those events and rewriting your story going forward. If you want to create a new you, you need to move beyond your past self. We need to address the underlying conditions that have made us choose the actions we’ve taken so far. Did you experience a major setback in your career or personal life? This may hold you back from taking risks.

Healing from trauma involves an unraveling:

Notice an emotional reaction. Bring awareness to those emotions. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? (Studies show that simply identifying emotions and putting them into words can help to lessen their grip.) Now it’s time to unravel: Where do these emotions come from? Can you draw a line between what you feel now and something you experienced in your past? Do you still need to heal in some way?

If you are having difficulty with strong emotions or past trauma, you may benefit from professional support to work through it. Self-awareness will help mitigate emotional reactions the next time they come up. When you know your fears, and can identify the situations that make you feel anxious, it won’t feel so surprising when it happens. Trying to shield yourself from painful emotions, do you avoid challenges or put off making key decisions? Emotional triggers can cause chronic procrastination, which brings us to the next point.

9. Make a plan of action (with tiny steps)

Many people get stuck talking about their dreams, without ever doing anything about it. Often we’ll wait until we feel inspired to take action. The truth is, inspiration often comes through action. If you want to move forward, you have to start somewhere. Imagine this big dream of yours. Then trace yourself backwards to where you are now.

What small steps do you need to take to achieve your goals?

A goal will seem more attainable when you break it down into bite size chunks. Slowly start working toward those steps. That can mean working on your book for an hour at a time. Maybe you can start exercising for 20 minutes a day. Those small efforts will pay off in the long run, and each small success will give you the confidence to keep going.

10. Implement a daily planning routine

If your schedule is all over the place, you’ll easily feel unorganized and confused. Taking control of your days, just by creating a bit more structure, adds up to a sense of control in your life. Daily planning helps you stay focused on what matters to you. It keeps you on track, removing opportunities for getting caught up in unimportant tasks. Create a routine around your priorities. Structure your day to optimize your energy levels. Are you a morning person? Wake up early and carve out the first part of the day for your most important tasks. If you feel more alert in the afternoon, block off that time instead.

Here are a few more tips:

Make time for a weekly planning session.

Sit down on a day to day basis and prioritize what’s important.

Design a morning ritual, to set the right mindset for the rest of your day.

Remove distractions. Work in a quiet area, and put your phone away.

Schedule time each day for rest and movement.

When you feel in a rut, switch things up a bit. Work outside of your normal office. Switch up your routine. Changing up the scenery can inspire new ideas.

11. Know when to take breaks

Control doesn’t mean cramming in as many tasks as possible in one day. You’ll cause stress in the mind and body. Ultimately, you’ll crash. Create a balance, rather than overexerting yourself. You’ll produce better quality work and maintain good physical, emotional, and mental health. To perform at their best, professional athletes need to take breaks and recover during their off-season. Similarly, you need to take breaks from relentless pursuit of your goals. I worked with the CEO of a global company who couldn’t make up her mind. Rather than push through, she decided to take a week off and do something creative. This helped her come back to the drawing board with a clear head. Acknowledge the steps you need to take and stay committed. Check in with yourself and know when you need to take a break. Breaks are an opportunity for a mental reset. When you return, you can set a new direction with renewed energy, ideas, and focus. Regaining control of your life can take time. It can involve major lifestyle changes that may not happen overnight. When you are lost, it can feel daunting trying to find your path again. But you’ll get there by taking one step at a time. When you’re ready to take control of your life, we’re here to help. We’ve put together a complete online course just for people like you, who want to get unstuck and start living an authentic life of passion and purpose.

Check it out and start regaining control today.

Take Control Course: Identify, Find, and Live as Your True Self

soulsalt.com - How to Take Control of Your Life With 11 Small Shifts (Once and For All)

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