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Is co-parenting better than staying together?

Is it always best to stay together for the kids? The short-term answer is usually yes. Children thrive in predictable, secure families with two parents who love them and love each other. Separation is unsettling, stressful, and destabilizing unless there is parental abuse or conflict.

psychologytoday.com - Should You Stay Together Only for the Kids? | Psychology Today
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Many parents believe that divorce will cause irreparable damage to their children. Some parents are so worried about this that they remain in unhappy, conflict-ridden, or even abusive marriages. What does the research say? Is it always best to stay together for the kids?

The short-term answer is usually yes. Children thrive in predictable, secure families with two parents who love them and love each other. Separation is unsettling, stressful, and destabilizing unless there is parental abuse or conflict. In the long term, however, divorce can lead to happier outcomes for children. When parents are arguing or incompatible in a deep and lasting way, divorce can be a relief for children, a chance to breathe healthier air, free of the tensions of an unhappy relationship. When changes in family structure are handled well, children experience a temporary disruption but can achieve long-term resiliency and strength. If you are thinking about your children’s ability to create happily productive adult lives for themselves, then, the answer is no. Try your best to make your marriage work, but don’t stay in an unhappy relationship only for the sake of your children.

Problems for Children Whose Parents Split Up

Many problems have been documented for children whose parents have separated. They are more likely than children in intact families to experience:

distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief

fear, neediness, regression

a sense of guilt and/or blame

academic problems

disruptive behaviors

substance use

emotional problems

risk-taking behavior

Factors That Buffer the Impact of Divorce

Most children whose parents have divorced are resilient and after a year or two exhibit none of these academic, behavioral, or psychological problems. They adapt to the new routines and grow comfortable with the new living arrangements. The likelihood of good outcomes for children is increased when at least one of the parents:

ensures the children feel safe and secure

is warm, affectionate, and open with the children

respects and speaks well of the other parent

co-operates with the other parent about matters that involve the children

facilitates ongoing, regular, and dependable contact with the other parent

has clear and reasonable expectations of the children

provides close but respectful monitoring

supports empowerment and autonomy

teaches good problem-solving and coping skills

maintains a network of social support with extended family, neighbors, and community

seeks professional help for self or children as needed

Major long-term studies show that although many children experience short-term problems and setbacks, the vast majority rebound after a year or two. On balance, children of divorce become well-adjusted adults, as long as they have at least one loving parent who remains committed to their welfare. Far from suffering inevitable damage from divorce, children can benefit from seeing their parents decide for happiness and fulfillment. Personal Disclosure: In general, children do best in close, happy families with two parents who love them and love each other. That is what I want for my grandchildren, and for every child. Sometimes, however, with all the best will in the world, parents cannot make that happen with the other parent of their children. In those situations, the research shows that when divorce is handled well, it can be the healthiest option for the children. That is the decision I made when my children were young. I believe that the happily productive and creative lives they have made for themselves support that decision.

Read more about children and divorce here.

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At what age do you have the most friends?

According to a study conducted by researchers at Aalto and Oxford universities, 25 is "peak friendship" age, and after that, they tend to dwindle.

her.ie - This Is The Age At Which We Have The Most Friends, According To ...

This Is The Age At Which We Have The Most Friends, According To Science

Do you feel like you're losing mates?

Well, you could be right. If you're over 25, that is.

According to a study conducted by researchers at Aalto and Oxford universities, 25 is "peak friendship" age, and after that, they tend to dwindle. For the research, the phone records of more than 3.2 million mobile users in Europe were analysed, and it was found that those aged 25 or under made more calls and spent a lot longer chatting. From this, researchers deducted that we have more social connections at this age, and that the number of people we connect with lessens as the years go on.

Researcher Dr Sarah Gomillion explained on The Conversation:

“The big life events that usually come with age, such as marriage and parenthood, lead people to invest more of their time socialising with just a few close family members and friends. “Later in life, retirement, health issues and the death of partners and friends can leave people socially isolated, although this can sometimes inspire older people to engage more with their community through volunteering and religious participation.” Depressing in ways, however we choose to think of this as natural selection.

As we get older, it's quality not quantity that counts.

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