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Is real Life a real game?

Real Life is a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) set on the planet Earth. It takes place after the events of its prequel, Half Life, which was released in 1998.

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Given the release of the COVID-19 update on March 23, 2020, I figured now was as good a time as any to review Real Life. Despite having been released 13.8 billion years ago, and its sequel, Second Life, having dropped in 2003, there is still enough avid interest in Real Life for the developers to continue releasing regular content updates and patches. Real Life is a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) set on the planet Earth. It takes place after the events of its prequel, Half Life, which was released in 1998. When it first released in early access 13.8 billion years ago the game was in a relatively primitive state, many of the features players enjoy today were absent at launch. It wasn’t until the agriculture update in 9500 BC that the full 1.0 version would be released. It was met with critical acclaim; praised for its vast, sprawling open world, photorealistic graphics and artstyle, billions of fully voiced non-player characters (NPCs), and functionally infinite procedurally generated quests. Real Life features almost 100 years of playable content for you to experience. Regular updates for the game have continued despite Real Life having been plagued by ongoing battles for copyright ownership. After splitting from Big Bang Interactive in 1812 BC, Yahweh claimed creative rights to the franchise. Since then, the partners of Hinduism LLP have claimed ownership in 1500 BC, Jesus Christ and God left the company to form Holy Trinity Incorporated and claimed ownership in the first century AD, Allah followed suit and claimed exclusive rights in 632 AD. Numerous other parties have also claimed partial or complete ownership over the game’s lifespan. Despite this, The Great Coder in the Sky has maintained development rights and has continued patching the game since its release. Despite increasingly waning interest for the last few decades, Real Life still maintains approximately 7.8 billion active users on any given day. The game would first begin to see popularity after the agriculture update, but it wasn’t until the extremely popular industrialization update that we would see the player base explode into what it is today. Since that massive update, which added a ton of new features like steam engines, replaceable parts, plastics, and the assembly line, the player base has seen less growth and has begun to slip into stagnancy. Even with the internet update, which was so popular that it's basically the only thing the game is about now, it saw relatively few new players. Since then updates have been kind of lackluster and the developers have been kind of negligent, with increasing balance issues and lazier writing. In terms of gameplay, Real Life is a first person MMORPG survival game with elements of a dating sim, sports game, first person shooter (FPS), and a roguelike reincarnation system. Real Life also features thousands of minigames, with the COVID-19 update introducing two new ones: "Animal Crossing: New Horizons" and "DOOM: Eternal." However, both of these exemplify the main problem with Real Life, they’re more fun than the rest of the game. Really the only point to doing anything other than the minigames is doing quests to have enough money to play the minigames. Of course, you also need money for food, water, and shelter that are central to the game’s survival system. Personally, I find the survival elements more annoying than anything else. They don’t really add to the immersion or realism as much as you’d like. The only real reason you need to adhere to them is because of the unforgiving permadeath system. Other than the survival features, the main gameplay loop consists of training and playing your class. The first 18-24 years or so of the game is spent leveling your class. You work to gain xp, what the game calls “academic credits” until your character hits max level, what the game calls “graduating.” Depending on your class, you may need to “graduate” several times before you’ve hit max level. Once you pass the lower level areas, called “school,” you will be high enough level to play the end-game content. Most of this takes the form of your typical end-game MMORPG raids, although Real Life calls them “jobs.” Aside from that, there is a huge amount of side content. You can play minigames, romance the NPCs, join player guilds called “social circles,” or complete side quests. Unfortunately most of the side quests, which the game calls “errands,” are just boring fetch quests and give you hardly any xp.

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The game balance is also completely broken. Ever since the capitalism update in the 17th century AD the game has featured a robust pay-to-win system that has only grown more imbalanced. And the class power distribution is all over the place, with classes like the CEO being wildly overpowered. And the amount of grind you have to put in to level the STEM classes is ridiculous, often requiring you to use the “adderall” consumable item which gives a busted xp gain boost. Although in general the more powerful classes take more time to level which is good, all that can get thrown out the window if you get good random-number generation (RNG) and end up with an overpowered spawn. The COVID-19 update has brought a number of relevant changes to the game. During the event all NPC shops and guild stores are closed. Social interaction was patched out, xp gain has been severely nerfed, and players’ depression and loneliness stats have received considerable buffs. Because of this, the in game economy has tanked and players have been largely confined to their spawn points. Of course the main addition has been the new disease called “the coronavirus,” a cheeky reference to how the in-game beer Corona is obviously going to be found to be the source of it. Kind of a lame twist if you ask me.

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On that note, the last point I want to touch on is the story, it's an absolute mess. I don’t want to go into detail about all the different factions like the United States and China because there’s way too many of them. It’s told through a convoluted combination of in-game books, character dialogue, and some environmental storytelling. The problem is that all the interesting stuff is backstory and from past events. One can clearly see how lazy the writers are getting as the current arc has hardly any compelling narrative. Most of the current lore is all politics, no cool battles or interesting characters like the Great Emu War or King Ramses II, now it's all just a bunch of unlikable scumbags blowing hot air at each other. The story has just become this incomprehensible, bloated mess of factions, ideologies, conspiracies, and despicable characters. It’s not as bad as Kingdom Hearts or Metal Gear Solid, but still.

With the latest update cutting a bunch of features and waning quality in the story, it feels less and less like there is any point to playing Real Life. There is little in the way of fun or enjoyment to be had out of the core gameplay, or anything other than the minigames really. So honestly, why don't they just patch out all the survival stuff and the permadeath and just focus on the minigames?

Final Score: 1/10, the minigames are fun but there is little other reason to play Real Life. It’s boring, tiresome, repetitive, and devoid of any meaningful purpose.

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