What a wife needs in a marriage?

“Your wife needs to be told that she is loved, that she is beautiful to you, and that she is valued.” While as men, we enjoy our wife re-affirming us and our roles, we need to make sure that we are constantly feeding affirmation into her heart and life as well. She thrives upon being affirmed by you.

allprodad.com - 5 Things Your Wife Needs Most - All Pro Dad

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When my wife and I first got married, I was convinced that I knew how to be a great husband. However, it didn’t take long to see that I still had a lot to learn about caring for this beautiful lady I had chosen to be my wife. Now that we’ve been married for over 15 years, I can honestly say that a good amount of our growth can be credited to the fact that we’ve learned that the other spouse’s needs are quite often different than our own. We’ve found that when we fail to realize what our spouse needs most, it can lead to unnecessary friction, frustration, and even resentment in our hearts towards one another. As men, we are wired with different needs than your wife. While there could be many things included in this list of what women need, here are five of the top things I’ve learned that my wife needs most.

1. Sleep.

While the average person needs 7-8 hours of sleep a night to function at peak performance, women are naturally drawn towards needing more sleep than men. Many days, my wife will go to sleep before me, and also wake up after me the next morning, and guess what… it’s okay. Our wives need the extra rest, and we should be pleased for them to get it when possible.

2. Words of Affirmation.

Your wife needs to be told that she is loved, that she is beautiful to you, and that she is valued.While as men, we enjoy our wife re-affirming us and our roles, we need to make sure that we are constantly feeding affirmation into her heart and life as well. She thrives upon being affirmed by you. This could be by way of daily compliments, praise in front of the kids, or handwritten notes of love and affirmation. Your wife needs to be told that she is loved, that she is beautiful to you, and that she is valued.

3. Quality Time.

More than anything else your wife wants from you, she wants more of you, and specifically, more of your time. She wants you to talk to her, to spend time with her, and connect with her on an emotional and spiritual level as her husband. The only way that this can happen is through intentional spending and sharing regular moments of time, prayer, and dreams together.

4. Detailed Communication.

As men, we’re satisfied with coming home, giving our wife a kiss, and hearing the words, “How was your day?”…“Good”, and we’re good to go. But more than your wife needs your lips at the end of the day, she needs your ears. She has plenty of things to say if you’ll actually ask questions and make yourself available to just listen. She also wants to know more details, not less, about you and your day as well. A good husband must learn to be both a good communicator and a good listener.

5. Non-Intimate Physical Affection.

Every day, your wife needs you to hug her, to give her a kiss, and to tell her that you love her. She needs non-sexual expressions of your physical affection. This might include brushing up against her as you walk by in the kitchen, wrapping your arm around her on the couch, or simply holding her hand while walking together through the store. All of these things non-verbally communicate your love. They communicate to her that she is yours, and you’re thankful for it.

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What are emotional needs?

The Medical Dictionary defines emotional needs as “a psychological or mental requirement…that usually centers on such basic feelings as love, fear, anger, sorrow, anxiety, frustration, and depression and involves the understanding, empathy, and support of one person for another.”

cvcounselingservices.com - Why Meeting Emotional Needs is Just as Important as Good Communication

When emotional needs are unmet, that emotional hunger can result in you feeling unwanted, alone, unfulfilled, lacking, overwhelmed, put away, and the list goes on. Those unmet emotional needs bring negative emotions into your life. One of the quickest ways to recognize unmet emotional needs is if you feel like your needs aren’t being met, chances are, they are not being met. Unmet emotional needs also result in increased tension or exhaustion in a relationship.

Your Relationship Isn’t Fulfilling Your Emotional Needs”

Couples will also often want more time away from each other and may even think about ending the relationship. Just because your emotional needs are not being met, does not mean you need to end the relationship. Rather, it means you and your spouse likely don’t know how to meet your own and each other’s emotional needs. So, it is more important for you to both learn how to recognize and then work towards meeting those needs.

HOW DO I KNOW MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS?

To really understand how to meet one’s emotional needs and build an emotional connection, it is important to identify what your own emotional needs are. To better identify emotional needs, there is a list provided in the book His Needs, Her Needs written by Willard F. Harley, Jr., a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist and a marriage counselor. In his book Harley writes that he has his clients list their five emotional needs that are the most important to them. From this, he created a list of 10 emotional needs that couples most often identify as one of their five most important emotional needs. Those 10 emotional needs are:

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