What is toxic selfishness?

Rana Khan, a registered psychotherapist in Toronto, says selfishness becomes toxic when it begins to negatively impact those close relationships. “More often than not, the best way to evaluate/check yourself is the opinion that other people hold of us and how they are impacted by our behaviour,” he said.

globalnews.ca - You can be selfish — but experts say too much of it can make you toxic

How long would it take for radiation to clear after a nuclear war?

For the survivors of a nuclear war, this lingering radiation hazard could represent a grave threat for as long as 1 to 5 years after the attack....

Last updated Apr 21, 2022

How much bleach does it take to purify 250 gallons of water?

A general rule of thumb to shock chlorinate and disinfect a storage tank is to mix non-scented NSF-approved household bleach (5.25% chlorine) in...

Last updated Jul 17, 2021

Promotion

Send this page to someone via email

Christopher Whan wasn’t aware of his selfish tendencies until he got into a serious relationship. The 28-year-old from Ottawa tells Global News being labelled selfish wasn’t really brought up growing up, but recently, he notices it more.

“My wife is sort of my first really serious relationship,” he said.

“She’s the only person who’s been exposed to that side of me.”

After the two had children, Whan noticed he thought about himself often.

“I think for me it’s just a type of avoidance,” he said. “I’m not an emotionally expressive person. In order to avoid situations, I think, ‘how will this benefit me first before anyone else?'”

Story continues below advertisement

People are called out for being selfish for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s completely unintentional, while other times it can cause conflict in relationships. Renee Raymond, a registered psychotherapist based in Toronto, says people are sometimes selfish to protect or achieve their own self-interests. “They may do less for others in order to focus more on their needs, and may demand more attention and effort from others in order to achieve their desires and goals,” she said. “Selfish people sometimes fear or resent doing more for others because they feel it can impede their own needs.” Whan says growing up in a broken home, he had to learn how to take care of and rely on himself. He also lives with anxiety, which he says adds to his selfishness at times. If he is ever at a crowded event with his family, he’ll walk away on his own or move ahead of his wife and child. “I can get out of that anxious situation.” But sometimes, this trait can also turn toxic. Raymond says in relationships in particular, selfishness can create a one-sided dynamic.

Story continues below advertisement

“The selfish person doesn’t always recognize that there are issues because their needs are being met,” she said. “The other party, however, may feel like they’re being taken advantage of, unappreciated, and often resentful because of the lack of care and attention to their own needs.”

Dealing with a selfish person

But for some, especially those who have selfish partners or family members, it becomes frustrating. But Raymond stresses not all people know they’re being selfish. “Selfish people aren’t always aware of what effect their actions have on others and so it’s important for anyone to make the selfish individual aware of what they’re noticing about their actions, as well as the impact on themselves,” she said. Rana Khan, a registered psychotherapist in Toronto, says selfishness becomes toxic when it begins to negatively impact those close relationships.

What does every girl need for school?

12 Backpack Essentials for Teen Girls Cash. It's always a good idea to have some cash on hand for the unexpected. ... Feminine products. ... Mints...

Last updated Feb 6, 2019

What are the three P's a man supposed to do for a woman?

If that doesn't work, Steve suggests appealing to the "three Ps" -- profess, provide and protect. "If you don't say to your man: 'Okay, look, next...

Last updated Mar 30, 2018

Promotion

“More often than not, the best way to evaluate/check yourself is the opinion that other people hold of us and how they are impacted by our behaviour,” he said. “Selfishness becomes a problem when it leads to a lack of consideration, lack of respect [and] lack of empathy.”

Is it ever good to be selfish?

Not all selfishness is considered negative, however. Raymond says focusing on yourself doesn’t have to be all bad.

Story continues below advertisement

“Striving to find balance between what is important to you and others is a healthier way to maintain relationships,” she said. “Prioritizing goals, respecting other’s time, boundaries, and well-being in addition to one’s own are always important to consider when building and maintaining relationships.” Khan adds it can be a good thing to be do what “best for you.” “I think if you can at times balance that with ‘doing what is best for us,’ then you’ll be able to navigate being selfish effectively,” he said. “There are numerous moments where you may have to do what is best for us — especially when it’s [in] relation to other people — whether that’s romantically, in a work situation or in a friendship situation.”

How to be less selfish

Khan says selfishness can be unlearned, but it’s not always easy.

“In order to unlearn how to be selfish, you have to learn how to be considerate/respectful/empathetic and work on improving those categories of yourself,” he said. “Ask people that are close to you and that you care about, ‘What does me being considerate look like to you? What does me being respectful look like to you?,'” he said.

Story continues below advertisement

“If you’re being described as selfish, chances are you really value yourself and if you value yourself, then you would definitely value feedback that would help you improve yourself.”

Raymond says this awareness is important, but also advises practice.

“Take time consider whether your relationships and interactions feel like both parties win,” she said. “Follow those thoughts up with behaviour changes which are supportive of others, and which respect their time and emotional support.”

Khan says listening is key.

“Being selfish simply means you value yourself. Now if someone can tell you how to be a better version of yourself — listen to them.”

globalnews.ca - You can be selfish — but experts say too much of it can make you toxic

How long should a 11 year old read daily?

“Students benefit greatly from a regular reading routine that involves at least 30 minutes of daily reading,” Parrasch says. “Ideally, students...

Last updated Aug 29, 2021

Can you do Kaplan-Meier in Excel?

Setting up a Kaplan-Meier analysis Select the data on the Excel sheet. The Time data corresponds to the durations when the patients either relapsed...

Last updated Nov 21, 2021

Promotion

What virus attacks your brain?

Encephalitis is most commonly due to viruses, such as herpes simplex, herpes zoster, cytomegalovirus, or West Nile virus. It can occur in the...

Last updated Aug 5, 2020

Promotion

What is the best asset during war?

Which Stocks Do Best During a War? In general, defense stocks (companies that produce weapons and armaments) tend to fare the best during a wartime...

Last updated May 19, 2021