Photo: LT Chan

What stops people from self-care?

Common Self-Care Barriers Guilt. The number one thing I hear from parents is that they feel guilty taking time away from their children to practice self-care, whether that's me time, friend time, or romantic time with their significant other. ... Lack of Time. H.A.L.T. ... Unrealistic Expectations. ... Change is Hard⁣

parentselfcare.com - Avoid Burnout by Challenging The Four Barriers to Self-Care

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1. Guilt

The number one thing I hear from parents is that they feel guilty taking time away from their children to practice self-care, whether that’s me time, friend time, or romantic time with their significant other. In Julie Lythcott-Haims popular book, “How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Raise Your Kid for Success” she shares that modern day working mothers actually spend more time with their children than mothers of the 1960s. Parenting in the 60s included more unsupervised play than our culture currently feels is safe. She notes some would say that generation was neglectful and that the current generation has overcorrected. So, the next time you feel guilty for spending time away from your children, try to remind yourself that you are spending more time than your parent’s generation with your kiddos.

Challenge Statements or Mantras

Mantras can help us rewire our brain by challenging old beliefs. Using mantras or affirmations can lower stress and increase problem-solving skills according to a research study done at Carnegie Mellon. Some examples to help parents cope with guilt regarding spending time away from their children include: “I deserve to take care of myself, and it also sets a positive example of self-love for my family.” “I know I’m a more flexible, calm, and playful parent when I take time to fill my own cup.” "I made the decision not to put my child to bed tonight because I get to have dinner with my good friend," instead of, “I feel guilty I didn’t put the kids to bed tonight.” Credit: Eve Rodsky (books listed in the resources section) Hint: Create a personalized mantra using language you would use to speak to a friend so it means more to you.

Dialectical Thinking

Dialectical thinking means two opposing beliefs can be true at the same time. You don’t have to wait for the guilt to go away before practicing self-care. For example, “I feel guilty about taking time away from my children to recharge, and I’m still going to do it.”

Lean on Your Support System

Share with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your struggle to prioritize self-care. Sometimes expressing your feelings out loud, or getting a reality check from a trusted person helps give you that boost to move forward with your goals.

Loving Kindness Meditation

Try this powerful Buddhist meditation featured in “The Revolutionary Art of Happiness,” by Sharon Salzberg. Place your hand on your heart, let your eyes close partially or all the way, and repeat the following meditation.

“May I be filled with Loving Kindness

May I be safe from inner and outer dangers

May I be well in body and mind

May I be at ease and happy” Gently wiggle your fingers and toes and slowly open your eyes to come back to the present moment.

2. Lack of Time

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