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Why are firstborns mentally unstable?

Being the eldest may have its perks, but first-born children face twice as much pressure to succeed in school as their younger siblings. Such high parental expectations make the eldest children more susceptible to anxiety or depression later in life, researchers say.

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First-born children susceptible to depression in later life 'because of the weight of their mother's expectations' Being the eldest may have its perks, but first-born children face twice as much pressure to succeed in school as their younger siblings. Such high parental expectations make the eldest children more susceptible to anxiety or depression later in life, researchers say. A survey of almost 10,000 mothers found that they had wildly differing expectations for their child's academic success, depending on their birth order. Weight of expectations: Most mothers believe their first-born child will be the most academically successful (picture posed by models) More than a third (35 per cent) said they thought their first child would be the most academically successfully. However, only six per cent of mothers said they thought it would be their middle child who was the most studious and 15 per cent cited their youngest. When asked which child they thought would be the happiest in life, only seven per cent of mothers said the oldest. In contrast, 35 per cent said their youngest child would be the most content. Forty-five per cent of those questioned said their pushy parenting style towards their firstborn would make the child more likely to suffer from anxiety or depression, compared with six per cent who said their youngest child was most likely to face such problems. Amid the rather depressing findings for firstborns, the survey did highlight one positive aspect of being the eldest sibling. Thirty-nine per cent of mothers said they identified most with their oldest child. Only seven per cent identified most with their middle children and six per cent with their youngest. Famous firstborn children include Bill Clinton, his wife Hillary and J K Rowling. The Netmums Birth Order Report, published today by parenting website Netmums.com, said the findings may indicate that parents project their own high aspirations on to their eldest child. Commenting on the survey, psychologist Dr Tanya Byron said: 'Much has been made of the difficulties that middle children face as a result of being sandwiched between siblings. 'Significantly though, this new research confirms the possible existence of what could be called eldest child syndrome in some families. 'It seems that there could be a tendency for parents to invest more time and energy in their eldest child, in part because parents tend to see more of themselves in their first child and therefore project their own aspirations on to them. 'Evidence shows this can have beneficial effects on intelligence levels but the downside of this extra attention is that they may not develop the happy-go-lucky attitude that their younger siblings - who may be raised in a more relaxed way - often enjoy.'

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What are the hardest ages to parent?

While cases vary across parents, a survey of more than 2,000 moms showed that parents of 12- to 14-year-old teens had a harder time than parents of toddlers, elementary school children, high school children, and adult children.

To limit disagreement, you should understand and respect your teen's need for more freedom while setting reasonable limits. Open communication is key for a smooth transition into the later teens years. In severe cases, children can show signs of self-destructive behavior, such as drinking and smoking . They can also act in violent or criminal ways.

How to talk to your teen

When your child was little, you could probably have direct conversations without much trouble. But asking direct questions to middle schoolers, such as "how'd you do on the quiz?", can come across as too much. Indirect communication is more useful. Try to actively listen without much interference or questioning. Listening to your child makes them feel safe enough to tell you what's going on and ask for advice when they need it. Middle schoolers are sensitive to parents' reactions. You should address inappropriate behavior, but try to soften your language so you don't come across overly harsh or judgmental. You should talk to your teen about puberty, drugs, and alcohol. While it may seem too early, some children start using drugs and alcohol at just 9 or 10 years old. Sexual development is also a big part of the early teen years and can be a source of confusion. You don't need to tackle everything in one big talk. Instead, give your child age-appropriate information as they age through middle school. Books like The Boy's Body Book (by Kelli Dunham) and The Care and Keeping of You (by Valarie Schaefer) are good for bringing up the topic of puberty.

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