Survivalist Pro
Survivalist Pro
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Or, you fear that not making eye contact means your child is tuning you out and won't take in the information you are trying to communicate to him. The problem is that often the reason children avoid eye contact is because they are trying to protect themselves from uncomfortable feelings.
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Read More »One of the greatest challenges in parenting is that strategies that make total sense from your adult perspective and that are intended to be helpful to your child are not perceived that way and so backfire. Forcing/demanding children make eye contact when you are talking to them is one of these paradoxes. It feels impolite/rude/disrespectful not to look you in the eye when you are trying to communicate with your child. Or, you fear that not making eye contact means your child is tuning you out and won't take in the information you are trying to communicate to him. The problem is that often the reason children avoid eye contact is because they are trying to protect themselves from uncomfortable feelings. These are often situations in which you are giving your child a direction or correction which you intend as being helpful but which he experiences as criticism; that he didn't do something right and feels ashamed about it. Looking you in the eye in these moments feels overwhelming. So forcing or demanding he do so only increases his stress and makes it more likely he will get further dysregulated (laugh, become silly, run or turn away), or just shut down. (My most productive conversations with my son were when he was bouncing a basketball. My initial reaction was, "Put that ball down and look at me when I talk am talking to you", but then realized that bouncing the ball was soothing to him and made it more likely he would process what I was trying to communicate.) Further, making a demand that you have no control over (you can't actually make your child look you in the eye) just promulgates a power struggle that takes on life of its own and the whole point of your direction or correction is subjugated. Instead, acknowledge your child's discomfort: "I know it feels uncomfortable when I give you a direction you don't like. It's hard to stop playing and clean up." Or, "I know it feels uncomfortable when I want to talk about a behavior that was harmful. You don't mean to be hurtful and it feels hard to think about it." Then proceed. You don't have to disconnect just because your child isn't looking directly at you. He may be better able to take in what you have to say when you allow him to avert his gaze. "But it is time to put the toys away. I can't tell if you have heard this direction so please show me with your actions that you know it's time to clean up." "I am going to share my thoughts about how to help you manage your body in ways that are safe. I am eager to hear about your thoughts when you are ready." For more on how to respond when your child is being evasive in these difficult moments, check out this blog.
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Read More »By about 6 months you should definitely see your baby taking a stronger interest in other children. Friendships usually develop when children are around 4 years old. Building a friendship takes emotional skills, social skills and some self-control.
Your baby will express preferences for certain people from an early age, and will express delight when they see them. You might see these preferences as young as 6 weeks. By about 6 months you should definitely see your baby taking a stronger interest in other children. Friendships usually develop when children are around 4 years old. Building a friendship takes emotional skills, social skills and some self-control. By consistently responding to your wee one in a kind and empathetic way you’ll be developing their ability to understand themselves, and understand and be empathetic towards others. It’s a bit like watering a seed – if you keep on watering it, it’ll eventually grow and blossom! Here are some tips for helping your baby build friendships in the future:
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